Various forms of verbal / psycological abuse
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Emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical violence, sometimes much worse. Sure, I had heard of physical abuse, and that you have to leave at the first hit. But unfortunately I, like most people, was totally ignorant about emotional/verbal abuse. When my husband finally started to get physically violent, “it was already too late”…I was trapped, controlled and conditioned, scared of his threats and anger. Having had this knowlede much earlier, could have saved our son and I from the living nightmare that happened upon us. Read it and please spread this information.
One of the best descriptions, of psychological/mental/verbal/emotional abuse that I have come across, I found on a Swedish site: http://www.varningstecken.n.nu/ it is loosely based on the concepts on Patricia Ewans book ”The verbally abusive relationship”. I have translated it, then added relevant information from other books, articles and sites that talk about the same thing, to make it more complete and understandable.
The description of various forms of verbal abuse on the Swedish site http://www.varningstecken.n.nu/ was the fist written description I came across of psychological abuse. I read each point with a mixed feeling of terror, chock and relief, realising that every single point was describing my relationship. It was a huge wake up call for me, a turning point and the start of the biggest and most challenging journey of my life.
I have used the word he for the abuser and she for the victim, but it can of course also be switched around or in same sex relationships.
I can also recommend to read about different personality disorders in the Abuser Category, as many verbally abusive partners also are affected by a personality disorder like narcissistic personality disorder / NPD, sociopath, bipolar, psychopath etc.
The problems for lot of people in verbally abusive relationships, when they start to share their experiences (which takes a lot of courage), is that they are not taken seriously or that their experiences are diminished. When you take out just one or a few incidents, they can all seem pretty harmless and people might get the impression that you are exaggerating and making a fuss about something completely normal.
That’s why it’s so important to get the bigger picture and to understand that psychological abuse is a strategy to get power and control over another person. It’s not just random incidents by chance, but instead a choking grip on your whole being that tightens with time.
HEAL ABUSE is about:
Informing, Sharing, Healing and Inspiring as Many People as Possible.
HEAL ABUSE is NOT about:
Judging, Criticizing, Revenge or Hanging Out Anybody.
”If you had been born to the same parents, in the same country, with the same upbringing and values, beliefs, physical and mental abilities and disabilities and experienced exactly all the things that the abuser, violator, rapist, bully, sexual offender, racist, victim, survivor battered person or pedofile has experienced in his/her life, maybe you or I might just have done, said, felt and feared the exact same things as he/she has.” – Ami Elsius
It’s not about justification or not having to taking responsability, but rather about understanding and empathy. Hate is not the solution. Prevention is more effective than war and revenge.
You stabbed me then acted like you were the one bleeding.
Verbal, Mental and Emotional Abuse often includes some or all of these elements:
- Ridicule or insult you then tell you it’s a joke, or that you have no sense of humor.
- Put down your beliefs, religion, race, heritage – or that of your family / friends.
- Withhold approval, appreciation or affection.
- Give you the silent treatment.
- Ignore direct questions…Walk away without answering.
- Criticise you, call you names, yell at you.
- Humiliate you privately or in public.
- Roll his or her eyes … or mimic you when you talk.
- Disrespect or insult you, then tell you that you’re too sensitive.
- Seem energized by arguing, while arguing exhausts you.
- Have unpredictable mood swings, alternating between good and bad for no apparent reason.
- “Twist” your words, somehow turning whatever you say against you.
- Complain about how badly you treat him or her.
- Threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out.
- Say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad.
- Compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure.
- Harass you about imagined affairs.
- Manipulate you with lies and contradictions.
- Act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors.
- Question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence.
- Constantly interrupt you while you’re trying to make your point.
- Make you feel like you can never win : damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
- Incite you to rage, which is “proof” that you are the one with the “problem” – not them.
- Try to convince you that they are “right,” while you are “wrong”.
- Frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding
A sincere apology has 3 parts; “I’m sorry” “It’s my fault” “What can I do to make it right?”
The abuser does not share his thoughts, feelings, experiences and plans. He behaves cold and distant. He can punish his partner with prolonged silence if he feels she did something wrong. He behaves indifferently and shows little interest in listening to this partner or answering her attempts to engage him in a conversation. The woman may mistakenly believe that the abuser will “open up” if she can find a way to engage him. She may believe that he is shy, a quiet person, absent-minded, etc., while in reality it is about the abuser getting control over this partner by revealing as little as possible about their inner world. He can pretend he did not hear her, or pay attention to other things when she tries to talk to him. He could ignore her for days or weeks at a stretch. If she asks why he did not want to talk to her, he can say, “There’s nothing to talk about. You never listen anyway, you are never interested”, something that contributes to the woman’s confusion and makes her try even more to get him to engage and communicate with her. When he does share anything at all, it is purely factual or functional information of the sort his partner could have looked up on the Internet, read on his Facebook wall or figured out for herself by looking around. Examples of withholding communication that fails to engage the partner include “The car is almost out of gas,” “The keys are on the table,” and “The show is on now.”
In a relationship that is characterised by verbal abuse there is no intimacy, which of course is based on both parties sharing and empathetic listening to each other. A person who withholds information refuses to engage with his partner in a healthy relationship.
4. Verbal abuse disguised as jokes
The abuser ”joking” with his partner at her expense. The jokes often attack her insecurities and wounds and are not funny, but gives the abuser a sense of power and triumph. The jokes may come when the couple is by themselves, but it can also happen in front of other people, which makes the experience even more offensive to the woman. If she says she does not think the joke was funny she can be told that she has no sense of humor, she takes everything too seriously. The abuser may also frighten his partner in different ways and then laugh as if the whole thing was a joke or saying afterwards that he was just joking and criticising the victim for taking it seriously. But on the other hand if the partner took it as a ”joke”, the abuser can later on say ”Well I did warn you, I have already told you what would happen/what I think/what I will do to you/what I did”
The abuser does not take any responsible for the event by, for example, apologising. Instead, he focuses on that the partner “has no sense of humor”. All jokes that hurt are abusive.
6. Accusations and blame
The abuser often accuse his partner for things that go wrong, no matter what actually happened and what caused the incident. He can play on her guilt feelings in different ways. He can project his own anger, annoyance or uncertainty to his partner. If something is lost at home, it is her fault. If the food is burnt it is her fault. If the child falls, it is her fault. If he’s not happy it’s her fault. The abuser may be tireless in his accusations and complaints. The woman can sometimes come to apologise for things that she really did not have any control over or nothing to do with. Sometimes it may be the only way for her to be left in peace.
Countering is a tendency to be very argumentative but not merely in political, philosophical or scientific contexts but in ordinary contexts as well. The victim of the abuse may share her positive feelings about a movie she just saw, and the abuser may then attempt to convince her that her feelings are wrong. This is an example of countering. The abuser constantly arguing against the woman’s thoughts, feelings, opinions and experiences without telling her what he thinks. Countering is a way of dismissing and denying the partners feelings, thoughts and experiences on a regular basis. At the same time the abuser does not let the woman know what he himself think and feel. A constructive discussion becomes impossible in a relationship where one person counter regularly. Even the woman’s most subjective feelings will be countered. Countering can make conversation so hard you stop offering your opinion, which is what your abuser wants you to do.
The woman’s reality and experiences will be reduced by the abuser. When she talks about herself and how she feels, these things have no value for the abuser. If the partner is trying to tell the abuser that she gets sad when he jokes at her expense, she can be told: “You are hypersensitive ‘or’ You have no sense of humor”. Other frequent statements that devalues women’s negative and subjective experiences is: “You make a too big deal out of this,” “You blow everything up,” “You take things too seriously,” “You’re just trying to start a fight” You are too sensitive” ”You have no sense of humor” or ” you just like complaining. ” These statements are all examples of verbal abuse because they devalue the partner’s subjective experiences and points out that there is something wrong with her and her way of experiencing reality. The woman thus becomes verbally assaulted twice, first when she becomes the victim of jokes at her expense, as well as when her experience gets rejected while at the same time as her person is defined an labeled in a negative way (humorless, quarrelsome, hypersensitive, etc.).
5. Blocking and diverting
Blocking and diverting is a form of withholding but one where the abuser decides which topics are good conversation topics.The abuser controls the relationship and the woman by refusing to discuss certain things. He may withhold the victim important information or determine what is allowed to talk about in the relationship. Conflicts can thus never be resolved. The abuser may dissipate by changing the subject or by saying that there is nothing more to say, even if the partner wants to continue (or even start) to talk about something that concerns her. Other strategies include to walk away, turn up the volume on the TV, start doing something else, talk about the weather and laughing at her. Abuser can, while he blocks, undermine the woman as a person with statements like: “Who asked for your opinion?” “That’s too complicated for you to even understand,” “You think you know everything,” “Whence did you get that stupid idea? ” ”You are trying to destroy my day/weekend/holiday on purpose?” ”Shut up or I will leave you”.
In fairy tales, there is always the prince charming and the bad guy. In real life, prince charming is the bad guy.
7. Criticism and condemnation
The abuser criticises, labels and defines the woman regularly. If she protests against his criticism, he can often tell her that he was just trying to help her, or that he just wanted to give a tip to make it easier for her, that she is to sensitive or is getting it wrong. An excessively helpful hand can be masked criticism, because it gives the message that the woman cannot handle things on their own. Criticism can also be expressed while being together with others, which is portrayed in anecdotes that focus on the partner’s shortcomings and mistakes. Statements that are negative and starts with “You’re …” is often judgmental and critical, and hence expression of verbal abuse. “The problem with you is …”, “You’re crazy,” “You do not tolerate a joke,” “You’re never satisfied,” ”You are a looser” ”You are good at nothing” ”You are mentally sick” ”You are to old and fat” ”You never get things right” are all examples of verbal abuse.
Criticism directed at you as a person as well as your personal accomplishments is designed to hurt your self-esteem and break you down.
Undermining is similar to trivialising but further consists in undermining everything the victim says or suggests, making her question herself and her own opinions and interests. The man who undermine this partner often has already abused her in other ways. Women therefore have a lower self-esteem and are more vulnerable and open to what is happening now. When the abuser undermines his woman’s interest and enthusiasm he dim’s it with various comments. If she wants to pursue lets say a special interest or a course in her spare time, he might say, “What’s the point of it really?”. If she has an idea about something she wants to realise he might say, ”That’s never going to happen”. ”There are other things that are much more important” ”I can’t see how that’s going to add any value to our family” ”Well that’s a stupid thought” ”Haha, for real, you must be joking” He can also sabotage her by actively interrupting her conversations with other people, disturb her repeatedly when she is talking on the phone or otherwise hinder her activities or socialising.
When you trivialize you say in one way or another that what the other has said, expressed or accomplished is insignificant. It can be difficult to see the trivializing for what it is, because it is often expressed in a friendly, innocent and sincere tone. An abuser who trivialize can get the woman to feel confused and depressed. She may think that she has not managed to get the man to understand how much her interests, heart issues or job means to her. He might hardly say anything at all when she tells him about a success at work, that she would love to start a study circle, but interrupts her to give her compliments for cleaning the home before he got home or for wearing that dress. Alternatively he can tell her that it was a stupid idea, How could she think that it is something to be happy and proud of, talk about something that he has done better, or his hard day at work.
In this way the abuser is trying to make you feel that what matters most to you in your life, have no value.
Threatening is a common form of verbal abuse and can be very explicit, as in “If you don’t start doing what I say, I will leave you” ” If you try to leave me I will take the children from you” ” If you scream so the neighbours will hear you I’m going to make sure I will lock you in a mental hospital” ”If you don’t have sex with me exactly the way I want, I will find someone else that will” ”If you don’t shut up I will crush your head” ” If I find you lying to me I will kill you” or more subtle, as in “If you don’t follow my advice, others will find out that you are a very unreliable person.” The man controls the woman by threats making her insecure and afraid to leave him, to talk with someone or report him.
If you are threatened with physical violence, it is a big warning sign that physical violence is becoming a reality in the relationship, which can be dangerous for you and any children in the family. Make sure to get support and assistance as soon as possible. Do not wait to see if it will get worse, but get help and take the threats seriously.
Abusers often fool people OUTSIDE of ther home, because they only abuse INSIDE the home.
Most areas have local resources to help victims of abuse. If you are not sure where to start or if you want to talk to someone about planning to leave an abusive relationship, begin with the following resources.
- In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233(SAFE)
Men in the US and Canada can contact The Domestic Abuse Helpline 1-888-743-5754
- In the UK: Women’s Aid 0808 2000 247
Men in the UK can contact ManKind Initiative
- In Australia: 1800Respect 1800 737 732
Men in Australia can contact One in Three
- In South Africa: You can call Powa 011 642 4345/6
- Worldwide: The International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
11. Bad words
Bad words, labels and phrases are verbal abuse, and perhaps that is precisely what most of us automatically associate with verbal abuse. All the nasty, ugly, derogatory and vulgar words are verbal abuse. Name calling, too, can be explicit or subtle. Explicit name calling can consist in calling the victim of the abuse a “cunt” a “whore”, ”stupid” ”a ”looser” or a “bitch” ”lazy” ”useless” ”fat-ass” ”gold-digger” ”retard”. But it can also be more subtle, calling the other person things that are implicitly hurtful, for instance, “You are such a victim” ”You are such a pussy” or “You think you are so precious, don’t you?” He can even give her a nickname that is more offensive than sweet.
I was so busy trying TO protect you, that I didn’t see that I needed to be protected FROM you.
The verbal abuse and it’s various forms of manipulation is denied by the abuser. He can completely deny that a certain event altogether has happened, or to insinuate that the women is exaggerating. For the partner, it can be very frustrating and confusing, because she actually remember that a particular event has taken place. It can at times be something that just happened yesterday, today or 2 minutes ago and he will bluntly deny that it has ever happened. The abuser may also “forget” to tell the woman, important information for her. He might tell everyone else except his partner about changed plans. We can all forget occasionally, but constantly to “forget” different kind of information is a manipulative means to gain control over the woman. “Forgetfulness” can destroy her in different ways and can make her appear pixilated, irrational and perhaps embarrassing. The abuser’s “forgets” often appears to the couple’s environment to be innocent, random and “no offence”.
14. Giving orders
Some abusers have a habit of giving their partner orders, another means to control her. The abuser assumes the right to decide over his partner, as if she is not her own person, but more an extension of himself or a property or employee. Examples of orders: “Pick that up.” ”Clean that up” “You cannot go out now.” “You cannot wear that.” ”Smile” ”Shut up” ”Go to bed”
13. Crazy-Making / Gas-Lighting
The man can deny that an event has taken place. He can consciously change things at home or orchestrate the entire sequence of events which he denies. This is a very manipulative, but for the abuser an effective way to control the woman. The woman may feel as if she is slowly losing her mind, because the man calmly and confidently claim that the woman has experienced or observed never happened, and he might tell you what happened instead in a convincing manner, even thought she knows it not to be true. If the woman at this stage has started to become isolated from family and friends, it becomes even more difficult for her to trust their own experiences. The only thing she has to rely on is herself and the man, and verbal abuse in general, crazy-making takes from her ability to trust what she is experiencing, it may seem as if the man is the logical, level-headed and intelligent of them two. The woman can conclude that the man must have been right in what he says. The man, for example, might be openly flirting with another woman in front of the partner. Then he denies the incident ever took place and makes out that the partner is controlling and sickly jealous, causing the partner to finally apologise for her “jealousy”. Crazy-making breaks down a person and cause confusion, frustration, pain, isolation and shame. An example of crazy-making is depicted in the English play “Gas Light” from 1938. The man in the play wants to drive his wife mad and do it by constantly changing the lighting in the home, something he consciously denies to her. The term gas-lighting comes from this piece, and it’s purpose is to show how one can control the senses of a person with this type of manipulation. The abuser get the woman to believe what is not true, remember what has not happened, and deny what has happened.
The abuser denies that he ever abused his partners verbally, emotionally or physically. He uses the might of crazy-making (see above). He may say that he loves his partner and would never ever be able to hurt her. All of this is denial, because it is abuse and he has injured his partner and what he does is not a sign of love. Examples of denial statement: “You make it all up.” “That has never happened.” “You get upset over nothing.” “You must be crazy.” ”You have seen too many movies, you have too much imagination.” ”You know I love you, I would never hurt you” ”You are inventing things” While the partner knows: She does not make up anything. That it certainly has happened. She is not at all upset over “Nothing”. She’s not crazy.
In time, it may become increasingly difficult for the woman to see the denial for what it is. She takes the man’s picture of her and have a vague feeling that maybe she’s crazy, she might exaggerate, that she might not be telling the truth. The man’s “truth” characterizes the relationship more. The verbal abuser is often cool calm and collected. He seems to be logical and intelligent. The abusers statements of the partner is often given more weight because she thinks that he knows her so well. These circumstances make it difficult for the woman to retain her own perspective and her trust in herself. The abuser may be tireless in feeding the woman with his version of “the truth” about the relationship and the woman.
Trust your intuition. Feel how it feels to you, in your body and what your feelings. Focus on yourself and what you know. Do not think about what the abuser think of, and do not put energy into trying to convince him that things have actually happened. He knows.
16. Rage, Anger
The abuser may have unexpected outbursts of rage, in which he criticises and blames the partner. Afterwards he never apologise for those outbursts of rage, which can be frightening and unexplainable to the partner. There is nothing the woman can do to prevent an outbreak, but it’s possible she believes it and consequently alter or adjust her behaviour. This kind of anger breaks down the partner, who live in a constant fear that an eruption could occur at any moment, often when she least expects it. While she may not be aware of how much outbreaks actually affect her, she experiences pain and confusion and constantly live with these feelings. Each eruption throws her off balance. Maybe she is constantly on guard. She might be unaware of it, but the stress affect her mentally and perhaps even physically. The fury eruptions often escalate with time, as well as the verbal and physical abuse as a whole. This type of anger can manifest as: severe irritation, screaming, yelling, “exploding”. It can also take the form of sarcasm directed against the woman; sarcasm is often the tip of the iceberg.
If your partner may rage, it is very important for you to know that you are not responsible for these outbursts, regardless if he is accusing you for it. You have no part in the occurrence of these outbreaks, and it is not your fault that the abuser is yelling at you, hiss at you, staring at you or pours his aggressiveness over you. The abuser will want you to believe it, however, and he can behave blaming and accusing. Since you have not caused these outbreaks, you should not have to defend yourself or explain yourself. You may need to protect yourself.
You cannot prevent these outbreaks from occurring through behaving in a certain way. You may think that you can prevent anger by talking calmer, be quiet, do what he wants, to be more supportive, sweet, neat, generous, tidy and timely, and so on. Nothing you do will prevent or stop the rage outbursts, as they are not caused by you in any manner whatsoever. They are caused by the abusers own anger and inner tension, his need to have power and control over you, his attitudes and values. They do not have anything to do with you, but they affect you.
If you feel afraid when your partner gets a fit of rage, you should take your fears seriously and it may mean you need to protect yourself. The best way is to walk away if you can.
When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.
There is more…
To complete the list based on Patricia Evans descriptions in the book ”Verbally Abusive Relationships” I have aded some more categories to the list, that you often find in descriptions of the pathological narcissist or traits of other personality-disorders that many abusers display.
The abuser can get us to submit to them sexually by claiming if we don’t have sex with them at least X amount of times per week/month, or precisely in the way that they want, they will be forced to sleep with other people. Non compliance can result in aggression, sarcasm or silencing treatment for days. We may wake up to them on top of us, having sex with us without our consent. This is rape and is most often done when the victim has had too much to drink and passes out or has taken a sleeping aid and isn’t easily awakened. Especially abusers with narcissistic traits are often sex and porn addicts. They may demean us during sex or after, telling us we are whores, sluts, cunts, or force/provoke/convince/black-mail us to behave in degradable manners that we don’t want. Sometimes the victims are so desperate to make sure their partner doesn’t cheat, are afraid of their angry outbursts or silencing treatments, or that they will leave them, that they give in to the abusers sexual demands. At times it is the opposite and they/some withhold sex/intimacy as punishment.
Financial control can be obtained in many ways such as coercing partners to pay for all expenses, including rent, food, and utilities. Or they can even be seemingly generous, when they want, with the things that they feel like being generous with, putting on a show, to be seen as a good generous husband/boyfriend/father. Doing “nice” things for us and later getting angry and telling us we never do anything for them and then they remind us of all the times they did “nice” things for us or went out of their way for us. Accusing us of not appreciating all that they do. Planning/surprising us with a “nice” activity and then calling us ungrateful and saying we wasted their time and money because we are tired or don’t feel well. Accusing us of using them for things, such as a place to stay, a vacation, sex, popularity, security, money, work etc. Asking us to pay for them. Taking money from us. Controlling all the finances. All of these situations set the victim up to feel a sense of obligation to and dependance on the abuser at the same time as it is an other means to control the victim.
Medicine or Treatment Withholding
With elderly, sick or dis-abled people the abuser can deny their partner important medicine, painkillers, nerve-calming medicine or important medical treatment. If the abuser also is the caretaker the abuse could show itself in may different ways, like not helping the partner to go outside, not helping her to get to the toilet in time, leaving her alone for long periods, making the injections or other home-treatments in a painful manner etc. It can be used as a threat or punishment, to control, instill fear and insecurity or as a means of crazy-making/ gaslighting when mixing up medicines or changing the doses
Is when somebody talks about or hints at the future to get what they want in the present. Abusers do this especially after a fight or when they see that we are becoming stronger and not so easily controlled or manipulated. It could be the promise of buying a home that you have dreamt of for a long time, a holiday, moving to another country, that soon he will stop to work so much, claiming he want everything that you want, a child, that you can stay at home and he will work or even smaller things like telling you he will give you a massage or take a walk in the nature, whatever he knows is important to you. Future faking is often done when the victim has almost lost all hope of saving the relationship. The abuser will dangle fragments of hope in the form of a bright and happy future to keep us hanging on. We fall for this because we want to believe in this twisted fairytale and that maybe the narc has finally seen the error of his ways. The talks of the future and niceties last just long enough to get us reinvested in the relationship and then BAM! Your partner is back to being an abusive, pathological psycho.
Spying and Stalking
With the instinct of a predator, some abusers feel that he owns you, that it is his right to hunt you down and always know what you are doing, where you are, what you are thinking about, whom you are talking with, what you are talking about and what you are buying, this also goes for past and future tense as well. They are always trying to dig up dirt that they can use to frame, blackmail, hurt or humiliate others. They will use any information they can, often distorted, out of proportion or based to create a trustworthy lie, to come between you and the things and people you love. They salivate over a juicy piece of gossip and they get a high from hearing about other peoples mistakes, failures, tragedies, embarrassments and shortcomings. For them it’s all about looking and appearing good instead of actually being good. Stalking, personally following you by car or foot, or appearing in random places without warning, hiring detectives, installing spy-ware in your phone, hacking your computer and reading all your emails and watching all your photos, even before you met, monitoring and recording phone calls, sms conversations, remotely controlling the camera, microphone and recording mood of your cellphone, surveillance cameras at home, sms messages that appear on his phone whenever you buy something with your credit card etc. If you have left him or he is afraid you will leave him or talk about/report the abuse he might black-mail you to put a private sex film or a nude photo online if you don’t stop. Any information about you in his hands is dangerous as he is a strategic chess player at war, a predator after his prey. The more the abuser manage to control your life’s basic needs, like food, money, shelter and security, …and your children if you have any, the safer and more in control he will feel.
Using and Abusing the Children
As a witness
Witnessing can mean SEEING actual incidents of physical/and or sexual abuse and threatening behavior. It can mean HEARING threats, insults, screaming, name calling, degrading comments or fighting noises. Children may also OBSERVE the aftermath of mental or physical abuse such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing, and broken items. Finally children may be AWARE of the tension in the home such as their mother’s fear and insecurities around the father.
What are the feelings of children who are exposed to battering?
Children who are exposed to battering become fearful and anxious. They are always on guard, watching and waiting for the next event to occur. They never know what will trigger the abuse, and therefore, they never feel safe. They are always worried for themselves, their mother, and their siblings. They may feel worthless and powerless.
Children who grow up with abuse are expected to keep the family secret, sometimes not even talking to each other about the abuse. Children from abusive homes can look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. Their families are chaotic and crazy. They may blame themselves for the abuse thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their mother for triggering the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment, and humiliation.
Abuse directed at the child
Types of child abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Physical abuse
- Family violence
- Sexual abuse
- Organised sexual abuse
If the man is smashing objects, kick or hit the wall, is holding the woman against her will, locks her in a room, pull on her clothing or body, touches her in a frightening or degrading way, driving scarily fast during a quarrel, threatens to become violent, raises his fist at the woman as if he is on the way to hit her, handling or displaying weapons in from of her, destroying objects the woman cares about, hurting her animal, or abusing their children, throwing things against her or pushing her, he has already made use of physical violence to control her.
All these above acts form part of physical violence. They inflict fear in the partner and is used by the abuser to further control his woman, showing her what he is capable of doing. He may also in different ways prevent her from sleeping at night, as a way to break her down and brainwash her.
If the man so much as hit the woman once the relationship is violent. It will not get better, and will almost certainly happen again. One should not assume that you would be an exceptional case. There are no exceptions. One should be aware that it will happen again, sooner or later. It may be well worth considering the option to leave the relationship, how kind and sweet a man he can be at times. It can be vital to get out of the relationship if physical violence has occurred or there is a threat of physical violence in the picture. Physical violence will increase and become more serious and it will be increasingly more difficult for the women to get out of the relationship with time. Get out in time, don’t become yet another women killed by her partner. Get out in time before you loose your self-esteem, your joy, your personality, your will and mind.